Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
