Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
