Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
