Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Randomize
