just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
