I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
