Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
