with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Randomize
