can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
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