well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
