I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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