I like my sex mixed with concussions.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I intend to get homeless drunk
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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