he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
