I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
