Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
