Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
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