im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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