Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
only if we run a train.
done.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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