that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
