Even water is tasting like jack daniels
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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