Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
