it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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