Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
