Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
My vagina is officially offended.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I yelled at your uterus for you.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
