Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
