right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
