sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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