1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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