I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Randomize
