pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
i need to put some appletini on your dick
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Randomize
