I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Randomize
