Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Randomize
