she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Randomize
