I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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