Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Randomize
