This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
