yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
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