I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
