Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
