I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
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