So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
