She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
he fucked my hip out of place.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
