apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize
