Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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