I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
