drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
