People in love make me want to vomit
you traded sex for a burrito?
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Randomize
