he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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