Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
