Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Randomize
