I accidentally had phone sex last night
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
